i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
