I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
