I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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