i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
