Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry my hands just texted you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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