Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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