Can i not drive my cunt home
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
