ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I touched a dick in church today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
