Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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