You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
