Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
