we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
