After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
