I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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