There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
