I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
