YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
