i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
