My friends, they love my intelligence
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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