I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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