marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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