Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
