Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
