so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
