i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
