So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
