I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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