It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
