Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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