he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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