some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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