Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
