i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
