I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We need a shit load of segways right now
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
