two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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