How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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