i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
