Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
