This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
