Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
