I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
