mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
