She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
