They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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