I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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