My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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