whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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