Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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