I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
