Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
