I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
