he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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